


Tanngnjóstr

by aphoticdepths



Series: FGO Ficlets [1]
Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Gen, Goats, Toilet humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 22:39:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15873138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphoticdepths/pseuds/aphoticdepths
Summary: Some passengers sneak aboard the Shadow Border from the second Lostbelt, and Skadi attempts to deal with them.





	Tanngnjóstr

**Author's Note:**

> I'd offer explanation, but yeah, someone said 'write about the villain farming goats'. And I did.

"You took _goats_ from my Lostbelt?" Skadi demanded.  
  
Ritsuka looked at the goddess in embarrassment. "I don't know how they got here," she said.  
  
Skadi looked at her like she was a piece of dirt. "Never mind. At least you have maintained my kingdom. Good work. I shall commend you." She waved a hand regally. "Go now and see to-what?!"  
  
One of the two goats was nibbling at her skirt.  
  
"No!" Skadi squawked. "I-get off of me! This dress is not food! A-and it's certainly not anything else!"  
  
Ritsuka stepped back with an expression that was almost satisfied. "I could call David, if you like?"  
  
She yanked the fabric of her dress away from the goat's jaws. "I'm fine," she informed Ritsuka. "Perfectly so." She wiped the saliva off violently. "These are my subjects, and I am their goddess and queen. They have no choice but to obey me. I-"  
  
The other goat had positioned itself over her hem, and a stream of golden, acrid liquid was pouring down.  
  
Skadi screamed. Ritsuka retreated, not wanting to risk goats, godly fury, or being called in to clean up-and ran into a wall of ice.  
  
"Perhaps," Ivan said, "I may count myself fortunate. Magical beasts can simply be eaten."  
  
Ritsuka nodded. "Do you think she should get help, maybe? I mean, Oryou's good at scaring animals..."  
  
The Tsar studied the goddess, who was beating at the goats with her wand. "She does not frighten the mammoth."  
  
"Ivan, that might be because you're seventeen feet tall."  
  
Ivan would have nodded if his head wasn't crammed against the ceiling.  
  
"How the hell," Skadi demanded to no one in particular, "did Loki do it?!"

**Author's Note:**

> Loki, to make Skadi laugh, tied one end of a string around his testicles and the other around a nanny-goat's beard and the two of them pulled back and forth. It did in fact make her laugh. I have no idea whether or not this is canon in Fateverse, but I hope it is.


End file.
